Resolved!

Every year, I make resolutions for the new year. Every year, I meticulously stick to it, in order to become a better person. Every February, I promise myself that next year, I'll definitely keep my resolutions for longer than a month.

As I was brainstorming new year's resolutions for myself, I realized that I really should get back into shape. Just because there is every opportunity to gorge on delicious, scrumptious, over-abundant and conveniently located food doesn't mean that it's necessarily the best way to not clog my arteries. Plus, it would be nice to jump 8 inches higher for volleyball.

It was a job for Google.

And that was how I discovered what is commonly known as the Paleo Diet.

The general idea of the Paleo Diet is that humans evolved from a hunter-gatherer lifestyle, and the best way to stay fit is to live in accordance to our biological programming, e.g. eat like a caveman.

Just kidding, it's not to eat Fruity Pebbles for every meal. In fact, sometimes it means no meals. What? How can that even remotely be a good idea? Well, let me explain.

The way the Paleo Diet works is to simulate the way early humans lived. So it would be a very high-meat diet, since our ancestors did a lot of hunting. And in terms of non-meat products, Paleos shy away from grain products (cave men didn't farm!!!) and also from processed foods. As part of the diet, adherents must fast once in a while for some amount of time over 24 hours, to simulate the periods of difficulty.

In terms of exercise, believers stick with the way of the caves. Based on the theory that our ancestors' exercise routine consisted primarily of running and jumping (probably to escape from saber toothed tigers and whatnot), Paleos focus on these activities to best simulate the fitness programs from eons past. Supposedly, our ancestors were many times stronger than we are.

At first, I dismissed this idea as just silly--after all, how can anyone live that sort of lifestyle? In what kind of setting would it be possible to run around, jump wildly, eat on an irregular schedule, and feast on meat all the time?

Then I realized that this diet is PERFECT for a college student. Due to the Butteries and the Anytime Meal Plan and transfer swipes and organic options and midterm/final weeks, it's possible not only to eat any time (when not on a 36 hour Paleo fast), but also to eat only the foods of our forefathers (and foremothers)!

Not only that, the abundance of squirrels leads to plenty of hunting opportunities. There is no activity as full of sprinting and jumping as stalking a squirrel. With their lightning fast direction changes and tendency to climb to high places, it's guaranteed to give you the workout your ancestors did. Yale is especially ideal. Why? Because we have mastodons.

Well, needless to say, I just had to give the Paleo Diet a try. It totally worked--for about a day. Then I got tired of barbecue sauce. And I realized that I like rice too much.

Next year, I'll find a better resolution to keep.

Maybe I'll try to catch a Pikachu. Or a Rapidash. Or a Pikachu riding a Rapidash.