Resolved!

Every year, I make resolutions for the new year. Every year, I meticulously stick to it, in order to become a better person. Every February, I promise myself that next year, I'll definitely keep my resolutions for longer than a month.

As I was brainstorming new year's resolutions for myself, I realized that I really should get back into shape. Just because there is every opportunity to gorge on delicious, scrumptious, over-abundant and conveniently located food doesn't mean that it's necessarily the best way to not clog my arteries. Plus, it would be nice to jump 8 inches higher for volleyball.

It was a job for Google.

And that was how I discovered what is commonly known as the Paleo Diet.

The general idea of the Paleo Diet is that humans evolved from a hunter-gatherer lifestyle, and the best way to stay fit is to live in accordance to our biological programming, e.g. eat like a caveman.

Just kidding, it's not to eat Fruity Pebbles for every meal. In fact, sometimes it means no meals. What? How can that even remotely be a good idea? Well, let me explain.

The way the Paleo Diet works is to simulate the way early humans lived. So it would be a very high-meat diet, since our ancestors did a lot of hunting. And in terms of non-meat products, Paleos shy away from grain products (cave men didn't farm!!!) and also from processed foods. As part of the diet, adherents must fast once in a while for some amount of time over 24 hours, to simulate the periods of difficulty.

In terms of exercise, believers stick with the way of the caves. Based on the theory that our ancestors' exercise routine consisted primarily of running and jumping (probably to escape from saber toothed tigers and whatnot), Paleos focus on these activities to best simulate the fitness programs from eons past. Supposedly, our ancestors were many times stronger than we are.

At first, I dismissed this idea as just silly--after all, how can anyone live that sort of lifestyle? In what kind of setting would it be possible to run around, jump wildly, eat on an irregular schedule, and feast on meat all the time?

Then I realized that this diet is PERFECT for a college student. Due to the Butteries and the Anytime Meal Plan and transfer swipes and organic options and midterm/final weeks, it's possible not only to eat any time (when not on a 36 hour Paleo fast), but also to eat only the foods of our forefathers (and foremothers)!

Not only that, the abundance of squirrels leads to plenty of hunting opportunities. There is no activity as full of sprinting and jumping as stalking a squirrel. With their lightning fast direction changes and tendency to climb to high places, it's guaranteed to give you the workout your ancestors did. Yale is especially ideal. Why? Because we have mastodons.

Well, needless to say, I just had to give the Paleo Diet a try. It totally worked--for about a day. Then I got tired of barbecue sauce. And I realized that I like rice too much.

Next year, I'll find a better resolution to keep.

Maybe I'll try to catch a Pikachu. Or a Rapidash. Or a Pikachu riding a Rapidash.

Nom

Over break, I've had all sorts of food, everything from Chinese potlucks to Burger King. Okay, not everything, but a lot of things. And it really made me think about food. Well, I normally also think about food a lot, but it made me thing about food even more. I thought about how, at the potlucks, each family would bring their specialty dish to try to outdo all the other families, how Panda Express can serve fake Chinese food and make it really good, how the Spicy Chick'n Crisp at Burger King was the best deal in burgers since the retired Dollar Menu Double Cheeseburger.

But what I thought about most was none of these. Just last week, I went to Chipotle. This name may sound familiar to a lot of people, but for those missing out, it's a burrito place. And it. Is. Really. Good. Eating at Chipotle reminded me of the thing I liked least about Yale.

There is no Chipotle in New Haven.

There is no Chipotle NEAR New Haven.

The only times I have had Chipotle during the school year were when I went to New York City.

This has been bugging me since September 2007, I kid you not. I don't know why it bothers me. Chipotle's not even that good (just kidding, it is that good.) And there are plenty of substitutes that are just as good, for practically the same price (or cheaper!)

A direct substitute would be one of the numerous burrito carts around campus, conveniently located such as this one on York Street, right next to Trumbull and Saybrook College:

Speaking of food carts, there are more than just burrito food carts. There are Japanese food carts, Mediterranean food carts, Indian food carts, and my favorite, the Thai food carts.

LOOK AT ALL THIS DELICIOUSNESS.

However, my favorite of all, that tops ALL of these, is the inestimable Ivy Noodle.

Now, Ivy Noodle has a bit of a reputation--those who hate it, hate it with a passion. Those who love it, love it with TWO passions. Which means that the net result is that everyone loves it with one passion. Why is it so good? Well, first, it's open until 2am, to serve all your late night needs. Second, it's very close to (most) residential colleges. Lastly, it has everything from small appetizers to small entrees, all for a very reasonable price. Pork fried rice, for example, costs $4 for a hefty portion. L

But my favorite dish is the pan fried wontons. TWELVE for only $3.75. What a steal of a deal for a 2am meal!

Nom.

What was I writing about again? ...Oh, right. The absence of a Chipotle. Which I am still bitter about, by the way. And I can't wait to stew a little more while nomming those delicious, delicious, pan fried wontons.

My real test

...A, F, G. I fill in the last three notes of the melodic dictation for my Music Theory class, and double bar the last measure with a flourish. I had just finished my midterm for Introduction to the Elements of Music (yes, I am a junior, and yes, at most schools it would be a little late to be taking introductory courses as a junior, but this is Yale.) Little did I know that my real test had yet to begin.

It was a bright and sunny day, warm, mid-70s, entirely typical of Yale 364 days a year. Usually, after my last class of the day, I head back to my room listening to my iPod. I reach into my backpack's outer pocket. Now, before I go on, let me just say that usually I don't put my iPod in this particular pocket. In fact, that day was the first. Usually, I put my iPod in my jacket pocket.

Anyway, I reach into that pocket and my hand bumps into something rectangular and plastic. It wasn't my iPod. Befuddled, I caress it, trying to figure it out, before I realized I could take it out and look at it. And lo! In my hand was something so amazing, so unexpected, so epic, it seemed as if it came from prehistoric times (which it kind of did.)

I held in my hand my old Gameboy Color with Pokemon Yellow. I turned it on.

And that's when I knew my destiny. To catch them is my real test, to train them is my cause.

I traveled across the land, searching far and wide for the ideal location to start my adventure. I vowed, on that Thursday afternoon, to be the very best, that no one ever was. After nearly 5 minutes of searching, I settle on a secret location that may or may not be the roof of Trumbull, and begin my quest.

As it turned out, I spent all night working through the game, toppling gym leaders like dominos and kicking Team Rocket butt with wild abandon. Luckily for me, I had no class the next day, and could afford to spend an embarrassing 8 straight hours (yes, I played through dinner) playing Pokemon Yellow.

Little did I know the journeys on which that fateful first re-encounter would take me. Through grueling battles and arduous training, I endured, advancing steadily towards the pinnacle known was the Elite Four. Finding this was like re-discovering my childhood; back in the day, when I would scramble to level up my Poke Pals at night, so that the next day, during the Link Battle, I would have that one level edge on my friends, only to find that they had gone through similarly intense training and barely winning at the end with my trusty Charizard. Good times.

But, I've spent too much time on this. Lance is waiting, and I can't wait to take down his Dragonite with an overpowered Ice Beam.